{"id":7001,"date":"2016-04-30T06:44:20","date_gmt":"2016-04-30T10:44:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ben-sternke-live.prev17.rmkr.net\/?p=7001"},"modified":"2025-03-07T18:54:59","modified_gmt":"2025-03-07T22:54:59","slug":"fail-evangelism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gravitycommons.com\/es\/fail-evangelism\/","title":{"rendered":"2 Ways Most Christians Fail at Evangelism"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span class=\"drop_cap\">One of the most difficult aspects of Christianity for me to embrace and practice has been the whole\u00a0<strong>evangelism<\/strong> thing.\u00a0<\/span>I\u2019ve just never been comfortable with it.<\/p>\n<p>And as I talk with pastors and Christian leaders around the country (especially younger\u00a0ones), I hear the same story. Evangelism just doesn\u2019t feel <em>natural<\/em> to a lot of us.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s like evangelism is the awkward guy at the party who can\u2019t follow the conversation\u00a0and always talks a little too loudly. It\u2019s fine, he\u2019s nice enough, but\u00a0you just don\u2019t know how to <em>relate<\/em> to him.<\/p>\n<p><strong>So what\u2019s the deal with that?<\/strong> Are we \u201cashamed of the gospel\u201d and need to get over ourselves? Are we trying too hard to be \u201crelevant\u201d or something?<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>Maybe, but I think something deeper is going on here.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-7003\" src=\"https:\/\/gravitycommons.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/mailtruckcrash.jpg\" alt=\"2 Ways Most Christians Fail at Evangelism\" width=\"1600\" height=\"1059\" \/><\/p>\n<h2>Evangelism\u00a0as winning arguments?<\/h2>\n<p>Here\u2019s what I mean. My hesitations with evangelism stem from seeing it done badly.<\/p>\n<p>Many evangelism techniques from a generation ago seem to be focused on how to confront strangers with the \u201ctruth,\u201d win an argument, and thus win them to Jesus.<\/p>\n<p>After all, if you were serious about your faith, if you <em>really<\/em> loved Jesus, you\u2019d care enough about people\u2019s ultimate destiny to give them an opportunity to get saved, right?<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cExcuse me, ma\u2019am, if you died tonight, do you know without a shadow of a doubt that you\u2019d go to heaven?\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cIf God doesn\u2019t exist, then why is there anything?\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Then you were equipped to answer their objections, \u201cproving\u201d that the Bible was true! Because of your ability to intellectually destroy them, they\u2019d be forced into falling on their knees and confessing that Jesus is Lord.<\/p>\n<p>If you were smart and relentless and committed enough, you could argue people straight into the kingdom, saving their souls!<\/p>\n<p>But I wasn\u2019t buying it. To me, this kind of thing\u00a0looked like ethically questionable bait-and-switch tactics, coercive\u00a0conversation outlines, and hard sell techniques filled with fear, guilt, and shame. Nothing I wanted to be involved in.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Plus, (spoiler alert), it doesn\u2019t work! <\/strong>Even if they \u201cget in\u201d because of the fear, guilt, and shame,\u00a0they\u2019re not actually getting saved from anything. They\u2019re just signing up for more bondage! Yuck!<\/p>\n<h2>Embarrassed by coercive evangelism<\/h2>\n<p>I have to confess an intense double embarrassment regarding these kinds of evangelistic strategies. On the one hand, I was embarrassed to <em>use<\/em> these techniques on others, and also felt embarrassed when others occasionally used them on <em>me<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>One time when I was walking through an airport someone handed me a tract and asked me if I knew if I was going to heaven.<\/p>\n<p>I sort of answered awkwardly that I was already a Christian, but that wasn\u2019t part of his conversation script, so he kept trying to bring me back to\u00a0<em>how<\/em> I knew I was going to heaven\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Ugh! At that\u00a0point I just felt slimed and walked past him.<\/p>\n<p>Isn\u2019t that interesting? I was \u201con his team,\u201d so to speak,\u00a0but I felt like a pawn in his\u00a0game. There was nothing authentic about the conversation. He wasn\u2019t interested in <em>me<\/em>, just interested in getting another notch in his evangelism belt.<\/p>\n<p>I just didn\u2019t have the stomach to\u00a0<em>do<\/em> that to people. It didn\u2019t feel right. It wasn\u2019t effective, but I assumed my attitude was the problem, and\u00a0I was ashamed that I wasn\u2019t more passionate about \u201csharing my faith.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>Evangelism by osmosis?<\/h2>\n<p>I responded to these confrontational evangelism techniques in the way that many others do\u2014I backed off\u00a0and simply tried to <strong>connect<\/strong> with people outside the church. I tried to get to know them as <em>people, not prospects.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Which felt like such a relief! I figured this was how people would get to know Jesus and come to faith, through simple friendships where we were <em>connected<\/em> in our similarities.<\/p>\n<p>I was practicing a kind of \u201csneaky evangelism\u201d\u00a0where I hoped that by\u00a0being loose acquaintances with people, <strong>they would eventually just sort of\u00a0become Christians by osmosis.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>But even though it\u00a0<em>felt<\/em> better, <strong>it seemed to bear about as much fruit as the coercive\u00a0method (almost none).<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>As I\u2019d get to know people, they\u2019d find out I was a Christian, but that didn\u2019t seem to mean much.<\/p>\n<p>They\u2019d talk vaguely about going to church as a kid, or even how they go to church occasionally now. Me being a Christian was basically just an interesting fact about me. Like someone with a nose ring or a passion for ballroom dancing or a Haitian ancestry.<\/p>\n<p>My faith was a curiosity at best. It didn\u2019t explain anything remarkable about me. It was just an interesting religious preference, like some people enjoy meditation and others go to church. To each their own.<\/p>\n<h2 id=\"learningtoconnectwhilestayingdistinct\">Connection and distinction<\/h2>\n<p>So if coercive evangelism doesn\u2019t work, and neither does \u201cosmosis\u00a0evangelism,\u201d where does that leave us?<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the thing: whenever you find yourself having only two unsatisfying options, there\u2019s probably another dimension to the problem you\u2019re not thinking about.<\/p>\n<p>So instead of thinking about these 2 ways we all fail at evangelism as opposite ends of a spectrum, think about them as emphasizing two necessary elements in an evangelism strategy that works.<\/p>\n<p>We need <strong>connection<\/strong> to the people we are trying to reach, as well as\u00a0<strong>distinction<\/strong> from them.\u00a0Like this:<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-7004\" src=\"https:\/\/gravitycommons.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/connection-distinction-matrix-blank-1024x922.png\" alt=\"connection-distinction-matrix-blank\" width=\"1024\" height=\"922\" \/><\/p>\n<h2>Coercive evangelism fail<\/h2>\n<p>Remember the first way we fail at evangelism? We try to manipulate and coerce people into the kingdom. We accost random strangers and ask them about their eternal destiny and try to win an argument.<\/p>\n<p>These kinds of evangelism techniques are what we might call <strong>high-distinction<\/strong> tactics. Right out of the gate, I emphasize how I am different from you, and how you can become like me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Of course the problem with this approach is that nobody cares!<\/strong> They can see you\u2019re different, but the <em>way<\/em> you\u2019re different is that you\u2019re an insensitive busybody who doesn\u2019t actually care about me.<\/p>\n<p>It doesn\u2019t matter how good your argument is! You have no relational connection with the person you\u2019re speaking with, so they don\u2019t really care. This is <strong>coercive evangelism<\/strong>: high-distinction, but low connection.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-7006\" src=\"https:\/\/gravitycommons.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/coercive-evangelism-1024x922.png\" alt=\"coercive-evangelism\" width=\"1024\" height=\"922\" \/><\/p>\n<h2>Osmosis evangelism fail<\/h2>\n<p>But of course the other way most of us fail at evangelism is when we swing to the other extreme: <strong>high connection, but low distinction.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This is when we turn down the distinction and turn up the connection. We simply become \u201cfriends\u201d\u00a0with people, hoping they\u2019ll become Christians by osmosis. At the end of the day, you can\u2019t call anyone to anything, because there\u2019s nothing really <em>distinct<\/em> about you.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCome join us, because we\u2019re exactly like you!\u201d is not a compelling vision, nor does it even make sense! You can\u2019t join something if you already belong. If I\u2019m no different than you there\u2019s nowhere for you to move. This is why\u00a0<strong>osmosis evangelism<\/strong> doesn\u2019t work.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-7007\" src=\"https:\/\/gravitycommons.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/osmosis-evangelism-1024x922.png\" alt=\"osmosis-evangelism\" width=\"1024\" height=\"922\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2>Incarnational evangelism<\/h2>\n<p>This is the false dichotomy we get stuck in\u2026<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Without distinction, there\u2019s nothing to call people to, but without connection, there\u2019s no people to call!<\/li>\n<li>Without connection, no one will listen. Without distinction, you have no message.<\/li>\n<li>Without connection, your distinction looks suspiciously like a colonization program. Without distinction, your connection doesn\u2019t lead anywhere.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>So what\u2019s the third way? What\u2019s evangelism with high connection <em><strong>and<\/strong><\/em> high distinction?\u00a0What the upper-right quadrant? <strong>It\u2019s incarnational evangelism.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-7005 size-large\" src=\"https:\/\/gravitycommons.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/connection-distinction-matrix-1024x922.png\" alt=\"connection-distinction-matrix\" width=\"1024\" height=\"922\" \/><\/p>\n<p>This is evangelism in the\u00a0way of Jesus, because <strong>Jesus, as <em>the<\/em> incarnation, is the\u00a0perfect embodiment of connection AND distinction at the same time<\/strong>. Jesus is 100% human (connection), and 100% God (distinction).<\/p>\n<p>He embodies connection by fully identifying\u00a0with us in becoming human. He also embodies distinction from us in remaining fully divine and calling us toward divine life.<\/p>\n<p>One of the most remarkable things about Jesus\u2019 ministry was that \u201csinners\u201d <em>wanted<\/em> to be with him, even though he was so clearly\u00a0<em>not like them<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Jesus\u00a0reached out to connect with people, <em>and<\/em>\u00a0he called them into the thing that was distinct about him: life in the kingdom of God.<\/p>\n<h2>How about you?<\/h2>\n<p>Now, there\u2019s a\u00a0<em>lot<\/em> more to say about\u00a0<em>how<\/em> we are distinct and\u00a0<em>how<\/em> we connect (seriously! So much to say!), but maybe the paradigm shift is enough for now.<\/p>\n<p>(Plus, learning to actually\u00a0<em>practice<\/em> things like incarnational evangelism take time, training, and relationship, which is why we take 10 months to do this kind of thing in our <a href=\"https:\/\/gravitycommons.com\/es\/coaching\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">coaching cohorts<\/a>!)<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019d love to hear from you. Does this resonate? What observations or reflections do you have? Does it bring up any questions for you? Leave a comment below to join the conversation!<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Evangelism doesn&#8217;t seem to come naturally for most of us. We tend to fail at evangelism in one of two ways, but Jesus shows us a different way.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":30160,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7001","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-live-on-mission"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>2 Ways Most Christians Fail at Evangelism<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Evangelism doesn&#039;t seem to come naturally for most of us. 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