{"id":14544,"date":"2018-08-09T11:48:38","date_gmt":"2018-08-09T15:48:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gravitycommons.com\/?p=14544"},"modified":"2025-03-07T18:54:57","modified_gmt":"2025-03-07T22:54:57","slug":"compassionate-curiosity-vital-discipleship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gravitycommons.com\/es\/compassionate-curiosity-vital-discipleship\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Compassionate Curiosity is Vital For Discipleship"},"content":{"rendered":"

One of the skills we train people to practice in our coaching is\u00a0compassionate curiosity<\/em> about ourselves, God, and others in discipleship.<\/p>\n

Cultivating a genuine curiosity at the core of our being is vital<\/em> if we want to grow and mature as followers of Jesus. Without curiosity, we become rigid ideologues seeking data to confirm our existing biases. Without curiosity, we cannot grow as disciples of Jesus.<\/p>\n

I started reflecting on this as I read a recent Twitter thread on the Enneagram.<\/a>\u00a0John Starke (a pastor in NYC) describes why he thinks there has been a resurgence of interest in the Enneagram, how it\u2019s been helpful to him, and why he thinks some critiques of the Enneagram miss the point.<\/p>\n

Joe Carter (Senior Editor of the Acton Institute and Editor of The Gospel Coalition) replied critically to John’s thread, along the lines of\u00a0his recent FAQ on the Enneagram<\/a>, in which he is critical and suspicious of its usefulness for Christians.<\/p>\n

A lack of curiosity<\/h2>\n

What struck me in the dialogue was the lack of genuine curiosity present when someone thinks they have all the evidence.<\/strong><\/p>\n

(Full disclosure: Gravity Leadership trains people to use the Enneagram as a tool for Christian spiritual formation through our Enneagram Workshops<\/a>.)<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to get into an argument about the merits or deficiencies of the Enneagram as a tool for spiritual and emotional health. In fact, if what I\u2019m saying about curiosity and genuine willingness to learn is true, I\u2019ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain if I\u2019m wrong about the Enneagram!<\/p>\n

Learning to ask questions<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a difference between \u201cdefending\u201d and \u201cexploring.\u201d My questions can be interrogating<\/em> or they can be inquisitive<\/em>. Here are some inquisitive, curious questions I\u2019m learning to ask:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • \u201cCan you help me understand?\u201d<\/strong> instead of “No, you’re wrong!”<\/li>\n
  • \u201cWhy can’t I see what you see? What\u2019s different about my perspective that prevents me from seeing what you see? \u201d\u00a0<\/strong>instead of “That’s not true!”<\/li>\n
  • \u201cHelp me understand [data or experiences] that seem to run counter to what you\u2019re saying?\u201d\u00a0<\/strong>instead of “If you say this, why did you do that?”<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Learning to be wrong<\/h2>\n

    This has been a fundamental shift that has enabled me to be curious: I\u2019ve learned to be OK with being wrong.<\/p>\n

    In fact, I\u2019ve learned to embrace that<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. I\u2019m wrong in ways I\u2019m completely unaware of,<\/li>\n
    2. Being wrong isn\u2019t the worst thing that could happen to me today, and<\/li>\n
    3. I will never discover how wrong I am unless I\u2019m genuinely curious about things I\u2019m ignorant about or biased against.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Repentance has become a friend since I\u2019ve changed my relationship to my need to be right.<\/p>\n

      Learning to face the anxiety and anger that comes up<\/h2>\n

      But of course when I say “I’ve learned” I mean that I’m still learning. Because it still happens to me: I\u2019m reading an article or scrolling through social media and I find something that I disagree with, and I feel threatened by it.<\/p>\n

      I feel an immediate gut-level anxiety about it. In the past I\u2019ve ignored the anxiety (fleeing<\/strong> from the feeling), or I’ve trusted the anxiety (fighting<\/strong> the feeling), lashing out at the idea that caused the anxiety in me.<\/p>\n

      But I\u2019m learning to face<\/strong> that anxiety: just permit it to be there without the need to do<\/em> something to get rid of it. It goes something like this:<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. \u201cAh! Someone on the Internet really doesn\u2019t “get” the Enneagram, and that makes me angry.\u201d<\/li>\n
      2. \u201cHello Anger. I see you in there. It\u2019s OK, you can just be here while we look at this.\u201d<\/li>\n
      3. \u201cI wonder why am I so angry about this? What does this person’s critique threaten in me? What\u2019s at stake for me in this?\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        Being curious with ourselves<\/h2>\n

        Maybe that sounds cheesy, but we have to learn how to really\u00a0be with ourselves<\/strong> (all of ourselves), and become curious about ourselves if we\u2019re going to learn how to grow and mature.<\/p>\n

        Too often I\u2019ve just burned my anxiety or anger in my relationships. I researched, argued, preached, taught, tweeted, wrote – but all of it while pivoting out of anger and anxiety. But this is not living in the love of Christ.<\/p>\n

        Asking questions, changing my relationship to being wrong, facing my anger and anxiety so that I can learn how to live in love: This is how I\u2019m learning to be genuinely and compassionately curious, about myself and about others.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        One of the skills we train people to practice in our coaching is\u00a0compassionate curiosity about ourselves, God, and others in discipleship. Cultivating a genuine curiosity at the core of our being is vital if we want to grow and mature as followers of Jesus. 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